Wednesday, February 24, 2010

About me . . .

Hubby- 40
Step son- 8 and so sensitive and sweet. Mom dissappoints him regularly and he cries when she breaks promises or tells him she can't sleep without him there.
Step son- 4 and a firecracker. Never known a world without 2 families and so acts like 2 different kids- sweet, normal and a joy around us; whiney, clingy and refuses to sleep/nap for ex wife and family
Daughter- 1 and a real trooper. Suprised us all with her coming, and is the love of all our lives.

Have been married for two years. With hubby for over three. Still madly in love.

Ex-wife- diagnosed by two seperate mental health professionals as having Borderline Personality Disorder. Abandoned by her mother as an infant, raped by her step-father, and bounced around between drug addict sisters and a father who worked constantly and dated around. The woman had a rough childhood, and I feel for her.
She and hubby were married for 10 years. He found out she was cheating with his friend when the youngest was only 4 months old and divorced her quickly. She married that guy last spring- he is her 3rd husband. She is a loose cannon- you never know who she'll be from one day to the next. Happy, sad, angry, threatening? One day she'll ask you to watch the children extra, the next she'll say she doesn't want you to travel to Colorado on vacation for fear of you running away with the kids. She goes back and forth between calling my hubby a wonderful father and a terrible father. She is insecure about her appearance, how people perceive her, and about her abilities as a mother. She regularly messes with the children emotionally for her own benefit. She forgets things, makes things up, and always wants a fight. In all, she's an exhausting person.

Custody is 50/50. 7 on, 7 off. That was a battle to get- basically in California if she's not a drug addict who's been arrested 30 times, it's impossible to get a ruling against the mother of a child. Will tell more about that later. We were on a 2-2-5 schedule, when she decided that I was going around town telling everyone I was the kids' mother (*see above, re: making things up) and basically ran a muck; lied to my hubby about where the children were, stopped working and kept them at home with her until hubby filed against her in court for violation of the court order. 2 years of mediation and counseling later, she ends up giving us everything we requested in the first place. That counselor suggested that she just wanted to gripe.

Welcome to the journey.

A new beginning . . .where to start?

I realized something yesterday. Something I hesitate to think, and even more to say. I'll say it though, because I feel I have to.

I hate her.

Her existance, her ditzy behavior, her mentally screwing with the children, her keeping us in legal battles, her blowing child support on jewelry and drinking, her inability to remember or even care about things like schoolwork or custody orders, the way she treats me, the way she treats my husband.

It wasn't anything, really. Simply some incessant texting and frantic calling from her mid day, stating that she had not completed the 8 year old's book report with him. It was due today, and had been on the monthly handout and calendar we received on the 1st of the month. We take turns doing his book report each month, and had confirmed with her twice via email that she was doing this month's report.

But she didn't do it. Did we want her to pick up 8 year old from school and keep him that night so she could do it with him? No, he was counting on us picking him up and it's not her night. Fine, she'd go get the stuff from her home and bring it here so we could do it with him. Great, a few more hours of homework for the kid on top of an already busy day.

And the letter arrives. After 2 years of battling over custody through counseling and mediation (we've never set foot in court thank god) and coming to a schedule last summer- a letter from her lawyer. We aren't in compliance with a court order. She will take my husband to court if he ever violates the court order again. Huh? It was in regards to her complaining 3 weeks ago that my husband had only verbally told her and didn't get written permission for something. No joke. She didn't have a problem with it, her lawyer says, but this pattern of behavior is what this continuing legal battle is about. Pattern? Never done this before with the c/o in place. This battle? Hubby filed against her because she attempted to keep the kids, permenantly without legal recourse, after a year of 50/50- nothing to do with my honey.

The kids call her over the weekend- which they're required to do with both parents until the end of this month- and before they can tell her about the trip we just took she tells them that she's taking them to the exact same place in a few weeks! Don't you want to go with Mommy? She says to the 4 year old.

I've hit a breaking point. 3.5 years and I realize, deep down in my soul, I hate who she is and just wish she would be a decent person. That she would leave us alone, or at the very least work with us cooperatively.

So on this point, I've decided to blog- to vent, to put my feelings out without the $150/hour counselling bill that comes with troubles in SoCal. You are welcome to criticize, to advise, or sympathize. I won't print negativity or rude comments, because there's enough of that in the world already. Looking forward to meeting some friends.